It’s Over When I Say It’s Over…

…but who is ‘I’?

Someone I know put this on their Facebook news feed:

It’s a New Year!
What are you most looking forward to doing once it’s “safe?”

That’s easy. I’m going to get on an Air France flight in Business Class and head to Malaucene. Without a mask on. Stoker will be with me. We will enjoy the delightful in-flight meal service and French wines. We are going to ride our rented tandem Modestine up the Gorge de la Nesque and I am going to ride my Tarmac (assuming AF gets it to my destination, which does not always happen) up Mont Ventoux for the 7th, 8th and 9th time. On different days of course. We are going to eat savory crepes and buy fresh bread at the bakery every day.

The more interesting question is this “Who is going to tell us that it is ‘safe'”? Newsom? Fauci? Biden? Pelosi? And when are they going to do so? What ‘science driven’ metrics are they going to use to determine that it is now ‘safe’ to do the things we haven’t been allowed to do?

I am trying to imagine any of those four going in front of cameras and saying that the pandemic is no longer a problem and we can take off our masks and shake hands again. Or give someone a friendly hug. Or a pat on the back. Or eat a meal inside a restaurant. Or get a haircut. Or go to a ballgame, or a concert, or a play.

I am trying to imagine any of these four saying we no longer need to social distance. Yes, I just used ‘social distance’ as a verb. I did it deliberately because if everyone else is going to assault English I might as well get on board. For example, I heard the morning news people on KFBK, who I really like, use ‘on board‘ as a verb today. As in “the pandemic has made it difficult for businesses to on board new people”. I’m not kidding, that is what they said!

I’m not holding my breath about the all clear. After 10 months of constantly being told what we can and cannot do, I simply cannot conceive that the shackles will be removed. Malaucene is going to have to wait. Maybe forever.

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