Some suggestions for Mr. Hickey

Let’s review how it’s going for Gary Hickey, a candidate for District Attorney.

—He makes headlines for a hit and run. After smashing his car into a telephone pole, he says he had to leave the scene and go home to sleep off a concussion.

—He gets ink for missing court cases. His peers in the court system say he’s making things harder.

—He gets ink when a robbery defendant’s conviction is overturned because of “ineffective assistance of counsel.” In the motion the defendant states he thinks Hickey showed up to court inebriated.

—A TV newsman spots him coming out of a dive bar at 10:30 a.m.

—He’s not answering his phone.

—He accuses his rival of pandering to Latinos by using her legal name.

I’m sure Hickey has good qualities. What is amazing is how much press he gets for his bad qualities. It is almost as if he is running on his bad qualities. Rarely has someone so completely lost control of his message.

If I were Hickey, I would issue a white paper explaining in how I would run the District Attorney’s office, and how my policies would be superior to those of my rival. I would stress my court victories. I would explain why I am missing court cases so voters don’t think that I am spiraling out of control while living in a state of pompous self-delusion. I would stop scoffing at legitimate questions from the media. I might get a doctor’s affidavit attesting that I did indeed suffer a concussion. 

I would stay out of bars during breakfast. 

I would turn my phone on.

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    Michael Fitzgerald

    Mike Fitzgerald is The Record’s award-winning metro columnist. His column runs in the paper three times a week. Born in San Francisco, he was raised in Stockton. His column covers diverse beats including, sometimes, the offbeat. Read Full
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