Spittoons to be standard equipment on patrol cars
At a traffic stop near midnight Wednesday at 5th and Sutter streets police found a drunk driver, 9.15 grams of cocaine and two of the most pleasant young people one might ever arrest. The driver, 19-year-old Henry Alvarez, was arrested without any apparent complication. But it was the passengers! The passengers! They were spitting! Allegedly!
One, a 16-year-old boy, drunk, was expectorating all over the place and bit one officer’s arm. So they put him in a WRAP and dropped a Spit Net over his head. And this other, also drunk, but 17 years old, with another year of maturity guiding his behavior, was spitting too. And there’s a nasty bug going around! However, he wasn’t biting. He was also WRAP-ped and Spit Netted.
The last passenger was a 17-year-old boy wanted on a no-bail warrant. He didn’t spit on anybody. He deserves a plaque or something.
Craigslisted
The Police Department said some guy selling a pair of iPhones on Craigslist met two prospective buyers contacted through Craigslist in the parking lot of Craigslist, I mean the Wal-Mart Supercenter on Hammer Lane. But instead of paying for the phones the buyers robbed the guy and took off. So, not actually buyers.
Early the next morning two 16-year-old boys selling an iPhone (mom is going to be so mad) went to a parking lot in the 1400 block of West March Lane to meet a man who had contacted them about buying the phone. Instead, he drew a gun and told the boys to give him their wallets and the iPhone. They did.
Using the cell phone number the man had used to contact the boys, police tracked him down and arrested him. He is Myron Patterson, 20, and was arrested on suspicion of robbery, grand theft and using a handgun while committing a felony.
And this is why you should buy classified ads, which are hypoallergenic, tame, fire retardant, foolproof, vitamin-enriched, zero-carb and protected by Smith and Wesson. Craiglist will take all your stuff.
Daily Chaos: The EXGF and the NYPD
First impression
According to the Stockton Police Department, on Monday night Samantha Williams, 30, stopped by her ex-boyfriend’s home in the 9500 block of Cody Way to pick up their child. At the door, she met the new girlfriend, and “immediately began stabbing” her. Then, police said, Williams drove away in a black Camaro.
Williams was arrested on Tuesday and booked into the County Jail. The new girlfriend, a 26-year-old woman, was treated at St. Joseph’s Medical Center for her injuries, which police said were not life-threatening.
Police said it was the first time the two had met.
And elsewhere
Pretty much the entire world is reporting that three New York Police officers have been arrested for trying to steal $1 million worth of perfume from a warehouse in New Jersey. They allegedly hired day laborers to load the stuff into trucks one officer rented with HIS DEBIT CARD and ran into the warehouse shouting “N.Y.P.D.! Hands up!”
I can’t decide whether I would want to cover a police department like this or not. Wait, what am I talking about? Of course I would.